Member-only story
A Short Self-Deprecating Stand-up Script
Exploring manscaping over 65
Opening/Icebreaker
I will be honest with you — standing in front of a crowd makes me very uneasy. I’m picturing ya’ll naked right now — have you ever heard that before? If you’re terrified of performing in front of a crowd, a strategy to overcome the fear is to picture your audience buck-naked. (pause — scanning crowd grimacingly)
I gotta tell ya, it’s not working for me. I mean, I can see you all naked right now. And it’s giving me more anxiety than the initial horror of the public performance. What twisted degenerate came up with this tip? (Covering my eyes) Ok, I can’t do this anymore. I’m putting your clothes back on now. (lengthy pause). Some of you are not cooperating with me here.
(Cautiously uncovers eyes. Slowly scanning the audience.)
Wow! I won’t point fingers or call anybody out, but some of you need to take grooming your private regions a little more seriously. I see some of you looking at your partners — there’s a wife elbowing her husband. “See, I told you! Now you embarrassed me.”
Bit 1 — Tradition of a Harry Crotch
Believe it or not, there was a time, and it wasn’t all that long ago, when grooming your junk wasn’t part of a regular hygiene ritual. People who…
